I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
