so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
