Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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