Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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