you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
