Whod you bang
I accidentally burped into my bong.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
