Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
