Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
A bitchslap is in order.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
