my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Welp...herpes.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
