You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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