Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
