it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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