I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
