So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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