you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
