I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
