Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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