pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
