Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
