Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My bed smells like the plague
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
