actually, I'm a sock model
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
