Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
