Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
