Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
