I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
