You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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