chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Randomize
