i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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