Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize