Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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