I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
