You made me cry and you don't even care
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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