Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
