Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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