hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
