Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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