woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
