I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
