I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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