So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
