The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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