Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
