I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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