Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
