theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I have feelings that need drinking.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
