Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
