you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
