so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Boobs speak an international language.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
