My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
