i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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