i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
