I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
