i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
