On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
